April 2020

“I’m ordering pizza.”  For background, this had become my usual routine.  We were approximately 6 weeks into Covid and I was most certainly doing my part.  As the good human I am, doing my part meant eating pizza.  A lot.  I was a good human for supporting local and most importantly, my friend’s restaurant who had suddenly, like all other small business owners, felt the full weight of Covid.

Business protocols were changed overnight.  All businesses, but especially small businesses had to pivot, but not in the funny way like Ross on friends in the classic couch scene, but in the very somber way that this Covid thing might break them.  Mostly certainly small business owners were filled with the dread that they might not survive and many didn’t.  I cannot imagine the weight small business owners had to carry during what ended up being a couple of years of protocols and shutdowns.  So yes, I felt like a superior human.  Someone who was doing good.  I was supporting my friend, supporting local, doing my part.  In the words of Charlie Sheen, I was winning.

Of course, at this stage, animal rights and what the animals endure in the name of food, clothing, testing, research, entertainment and more never for a second entered my mind.  I was a pizza addict after all and had been since as long as I can remember.  Covid INTENSIFIED my pizza addiction.

Before I finish the rest of this story, first a bit of background.

My Pizza Addiction

My husband, Paul, had long sensed I had a pizza addiction.  Years before Covid he used to threaten to go to every pizza place around our house with flyers and my picture on the flyer saying something like ‘do not sell pizza to this woman.’  I laughed and had some sense of the problem I had but was not in a million years willing to ADMIT I had a problem.  Admitting I had a problem would lead to a life of no pizza and I decided an early death was the better option for me rather than living a life without pizza.  Plus, even if I wanted to give up pizza, it literally felt like I couldn’t.  The force to eat pizza was an uncontrollable craving I could not ignore.  I didn’t have the tools to work through my cravings and so I gave in every time.

I had literally made comments like “I would rather die than give up pizza.” What a horribly sad statement.  Like the highlight of my life was eating pizza and dealing with the side effects of overconsumption?  As a binge eater and chronic overeater, eating pizza also came along with feeling so lethargic I couldn’t move.  I would spend hours digesting my food belly on the couch, often with my pants either off or in sweatpants for comfort.  I woke up daily with a belly ache, I thought that was normal.  It was only once I ditched the animal products and started eating whole plant foods that I realized waking up with a daily belly ache didn’t have to be a part of life.

When I ate pizza, I had less energy to live my life and experienced a massive increase in shame from the weight gain and overeating.  I felt absolutely hopeless.  I knew in my heart there was no help for someone like me.  I could not fathom living without eating pizza.  While I thought curbing my pizza addiction was impossible, I also simply did not want to.  I could not visualize a life without pizza.  Pizza was my life.  I lived to eat.  Before most meals, I would think hmmmm, what do I want to eat for lunch?  I would think about the taste, the texture, what foods I might like before selecting what take out foods I would have that day.

If I wasn’t spending my time eating or digesting food, I was spending time peeking out the curtain, or watching the skip driver like a hawk, awaiting my treasures to be delivered.  I wasted so much brain space and time on eating foods that were terrible for my health, the animals and the planet, that I didn’t have much time or energy to do anything else.

Most of the time I paired eating pizza with FUN.  I actually didn’t hide my pizza addiction at all, I welcomed everyone into my circle.  You get a pizza, you get a pizza, EVERYONE GETS A PIZZA!  I would bring pizza, splurge on pizza for the crowd, order take out for the family.  If you ate with me, I would pay.  Misery loves company right?  I mean, sure, yes, I would most definitely book a day off to go to the Pizza Hut lunch buffet by myself (more on that later), but I would much rather have someone there with me.  It felt more socially acceptable that way.

Pizza had such high reinforcement for me as it was often paired something fun like watching a favourite TV show, movie, visiting with friends or as the pinnacle to end a night of drinking.  I actually think I drank TO have an excuse to eat pizza late at night.  I mean, most sober people don’t order midnight pizza, they simply go to bed.  If I was drunk, then oddly it made it socially acceptable to order pizza at midnight! 

New Year’s Eve 2019 I remember vividly.  It was the last New Year’s Eve I ate pizza.  All of the waitresses at my friend’s restaurant knew my regular pizza order – cheese pizza with pineapple and feta.  In fact, that same year there was a contest for the waitress who sold the most dessert.  Typically, the waitresses in the restaurant would win the contest as that side was mostly seniors and families and the customers in the bar side didn’t typically order dessert.  One of the bar waitresses WON the dessert competition and shocker, she was my regular waitress.  It was sadly a proud moment for me knowing that I single handedly ate enough cheesecake to help her win the competition.

Back to my New Year’s Eve story.  We were at my friend’s restaurant.  It was midnight and we had been drinking so naturally, it was time to order pizza. The pizza arrived right at midnight as the countdown was going on.  I just sat there unable to walk away from my pizza for even 5 seconds to join the crowd to ring in the new year. I rang in the New Year, alone, in a crowded bar, eating my pizza and it was the first time in my life I had felt some sort of sadness associated with eating pizza.  It normally made me happy, but the stark reality of my choice that night weighed heavy on me.

Subscribe and check back next week to hear the rest of my covid pizza breakdown story.

Peace, love & plants,

Michelle 🙂

p.s. have you ever tried VEGAN pizza? Calgary has a place above Vegan Street in Inglewood called The Attic that serves vegan pizza and has lots of great entertainment too!