I can fall into a black hole of despair very quickly. While I do know what to eat for optimal health, knowing what to eat and following through doesn’t always translate.

I love whole plant foods and have had so much success losing weight and keeping it off because when I eat predominantly whole plants, they both fill me up AND don’t trigger a binge. If I eat too many ‘red light’ foods (think deep fried) or don’t eat enough food, then ‘bingey mingey’ awakens. Bingey is the part of me that has an INTENSE desire to binge and eat ALL THE THINGS!

If I can stick to ONE MEAL with ‘red light’ foods, I’m generally ok, but if I carry on eating those red light foods the next meal and the next, I run a high risk of awakening Bingey who represents a pattern in me to binge and overeat. Once awakened, Bingey happily takes the driver seat in my brain. This analogy is helpful to me as it allows me to see that I am not a failure, but a part of me, a part that has been with me since childhood, who has a well worn path of eating all the things has been awakened.

I also have such a heavy pattern of eating my emotions (or masking them in other words), I still have a hard time even recognizing what emotion is present. I have heard that cravings are emotions, but sometimes they really just feel like a craving without an emotion attached. The bingey mingey part of me does not need to be shamed or banished, but requires my compassion. Talking to yourself and using terms of endearment are helpful. Think dear, darling, sweetheart, soothing tones to rock yourself back to sleep/offer comfort.

There is a quote from the book Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristen Neff on what a self-compassionate response to having a lapse in your eating may look like:

‘First, self-compassion involves forging yourself for your lapses. If your ultimate goal is to be healthy, then it doesn’t really matter if you fall off your diet from time to time. We are not machines whose dial can simply be turned to ‘reduce calorie input.’ Most people fluctuate in their ability to stay focused on their eating goals. Two steps forward, one step back seems to be the natural way of things. By having compassion for yourself when you fall off your diet, you’ll be less driven to overeat as a way to make you feel better afterward.’

This advice has been helpful to me in how quickly I get back up after having a lapse. Yes, I do still have a voice in my head that pipes up, that tells me I have failed yet again, that asks what is wrong with me, that questions why I can’t make better choices despite all I have learned. I have learnt that I don’t have to listen to that voice and that what that voice says is not gospel. It’s not true.

I can become aware of what the voice is saying and challenge the voice, ‘thank you for your opinion, but that is not true. I can do this. I am doing this.’ I can console myself like you would a good friend or like a mother would console her child.

In the past, when I had a lapse I would have judged myself so harshly that I lacked all motivation to try again. I thought if I couldn’t be perfect, then it wasn’t possible. I was a hopeless case. I have since learnt that a weight loss journey fluctuates more than you would think. My path is not linear and if you were to chart it on a graph, it would show various ups and downs. My resilience to keep getting back up time and time and time again and persistence to KEEP going is what I’m most proud of.

WEEKLY CHECK IN: +1.8 lbs | 31.4 lbs to goal

Peace, love & plants,

Michelle 😊

p.s. I have a playlist of songs that are inspiring to me. These are the songs that I put on blast and dance and sing to when I am feeling down or stuck. Anytime I hear a song that is meaningful to me and this journey, I add it to my ‘Inspiration’ playlist. You’d be surprising how effective song and dance is at MOVING energy through your body when you are feeling down or stuck.