The Amy Winehouse song Rehab keeps playing in my head and it’s probably because I feel like I’m in a self imposed rehab. Also, this weight loss stuff for me really is all about mindset. It’s shocking really how much mindset plays a role. Observing the thoughts in my mind, not acting on food urges, comforting myself in ways that don’t involve food and thinking about the fact that I need to heal my brain and get my dopamine hit from a healthy source.

My psychologist shared this image with me and while I’m no neuroscientist and can’t explain this, I can see there are visual differences in this image between a binge eater and the control subject. I’m lacking lots of the blue areas which I *believe* may indicate I have less impulse control than the control subject and may have some dysfunctional decision-making skills. Sounds about right to me, especially when it comes to food.

I have been thinking lately about the fact that I gave up pizza, my most addictive substance, and my psychologist noted that perhaps I haven’t fully healed my brain as I mentioned I don’t necessarily crave any particular foods, but I do crave the process of filling my belly with all the things. I don’t want to fill my belly with lettuce, let’s be clear on that. It’s mostly junk and ultra processed foods that call my name. I mentioned I found it frustrating that while I’m not dealing with specific cravings and my environment IS set up for success, I find myself mindlessly wanting to fill, fill, fill my belly. I enjoy the PROCESS of filling up, BUT I do not enjoy the after effects – mood changes, lethargy, feeling of extreme fullness, hopelessness, despair and being in a shame spiral. Anyways, she mentioned this could be classified as a process addiction. I have never heard that term before, but it makes me feel better to know it’s a thing.

My psychologist also noted that food gives me that dopamine hit, so in some ways, while I don’t want anything specific, I feel like a mindless zombie searching for that dopamine hit so I’ve been focusing lately on getting back to basics and tracking my habits, which I previously wrote about here. Tracking habits, earning those checkmarks, gold star stickers and celebrating each habit in the moment I complete it help get me a healthy dose of dopamine. Celebrating in the moment means cultivating positive emotions in your body – that warmth that you can generate in your heart for a job well done. I’m focusing on getting my dopamine that way, instead of the food and it’s been a great replacement so far. I know at some point from my past habit tracker it won’t last forever, but for now, I’ll take the dopamine hit.

To celebrate my habits in the moment, I can sit here and say ‘good job Michelle’ or give myself a hug or just visualize a beam of light entering my heart and enjoying the burst of good, warm energy I feel in my heart or a simple smile or giving myself a high five in the mirror can do the trick. I don’t have to seek out dopamine from toxic foods, I can replace that habit with something else to give me that dopamine hit my brain is searching for.

As Tiny Habits author, BJ Fogg says ‘I can summarize my research in three words: EMOTIONS CREATE HABITS. The stronger the emotion, the more deeply your brain rewires. For emotion to rewire your brain, you must FEEL the emotion WHILE you are doing the behaviour or immediately after.’ This is positive reinforcement in a nutshell and the old dog trainer in me understands how powerful this really is.

So I’m on a mission to finish healing my brain, I’ll keep this binge eater image in my head to help me along. I’m also keeping my WHY close to my heart, visualizing the finish line and doing my best to not have such a busy year so I can continue to focus on ME, healing my brain and reaching my health goals so I can be a shining magnet of inspiration for this vegan lifestyle and ultimately help the animals who so desperately need the world to wake up and stand up for them instead of exploit them.

Peace, love & plants,

Michelle 😊

p.s. My psychologist shared WOOP with me, which is a science-based mental strategy that people can use to find and fulfill their wishes and change their habits. The money part for me is identifying now what my obstacles are and how I will handle them when they appear. So far, I’ve found it helpful and I have a printed copy of my WOOP at work, home and in my car for ease of reference.