Towards the end of 2024, I was invited out to eat at a time when I was on fire. My eating was pristine and my mind was clear. I was losing weight again for the first time in quite some time. Things felt free, peaceful, joyful and easy.

When the invite arrived, I panicked. Oh no! I was filled with dread and worry. It’s not that I’m opposed to eating out, but I wanted to bust through my alleged plateau and close out 2024 losing weight (which I ultimately succeeded at by the way). Also my mantra is ‘just for now.’ Just for now, I will eat what I planned for myself. Just for now, I’ll pass on those french fries. Not necessarily forever, but just for now. That’s about all my brain can commit to at this time.

It’s interesting because if you were to put a dairy laden cinnamon bun in front of me, I wouldn’t even consider it as food. There is no debate in my mind, I absolutely would NOT eat it. Such FREEDOM and peace in my brain. BUT put a vegan cinnamon bun in front of me with equal amounts of delicious fat and sugar, the debate in my mind begins. Should I? Shouldn’t I? I wish I could get to the point of looking at the vegan cinnamon bun as not an option and say never again. I know what this freedom feels like and it’s glorious and yet, I’m unwilling to commit to ditching these unhealthy things forever. So, my mantra of ‘just for now’ is helpful. Just for now, I’ll pass.

I wish it wasn’t, but unfortunately for right now, eating out can be risky. Eating out in maintenance mode is completely fine and it’s not so much eating out that’s an issue, but the healthy take out options are quite limited. So that sugar/fat/salt bomb invading my brain just makes me want MORE. It’s not just about that one meal either, but what it could lead to the next day and the day after.

This is exactly what Doug Lisle and Alan Goldhammer wrote about in The Pleasure Trap. It’s absolutely not the same intensity as pizza was for me, but it’s a smaller, noticeable hiccup. As I am trying to lose the last 25 lbs, setbacks are not really something I have room for.

Anyways, I attended the lunch event and unbelievably, I lost my peace immediately. I lost my brain clarity and freedom, my joy and then I continued to eat. For the next four days, I felt like I overate. Shockingly, the scale didn’t reflect my ‘binge’ but I know how I felt. My belly didn’t feel good from overeating and from the excess oil. My brain felt like it was a little taken hostage. Small things were slipping in, like eating 10 dates after dinner or four slices of bread with vegan butter as a ‘snack.’ My husband and good friend Shannon laughed at me and what I called a ‘binge’ – do you remember what your binges used to look like?! Okay, I get it. BUT I know that feeling inside of me, that insatiable feeling that screams EAT MORE!!! I know what it feels like to eat with peace and my aspiration is to eat from a peaceful state as much as possible. So just for now, I’d like to avoid those foods that tip me into a state that loses my peace.

This lunch event also hammered home for me the importance of saying no. It’s ok to decline certain events just for now that may be a hindrance to my health goals. It’s ok to focus on my health and put myself as my number one priority. People will understand. Let people in on the why so they don’t take offence. In my experience, when I let people ‘in’ they want to help me help myself. People in my life care about me, and I know they are rooting for me to succeed so if I decline with grace and a simple explanation, they won’t have a problem with it.

I also have friends where we do healthy things together such as a take a walk, go to a yoga class or have whole food vegan potlucks at home with dancing, connection, games and great conversation and we recently started a book club! As I start to change, different things fill me up. Before it was Pizza Hut buffets which I write about here, but I see now that the overconsumption of food wasn’t real connection. I used to think, I don’t want my obituary to read ‘spent her life digesting food on the couch with her pants undone.’ So our habits can change, and how we connect with eachother can change.

It’s truly shocking how many reasons we have to celebrate each year whether at work, with family or friends. Celebrations are ok, but so many of our societal events are centered around excess and food. Since being vegan, I’ve naturally gravitated to focusing more on connection and on doing things with others that don’t revolve around excessive eating. If I let each and every event derail me, then I will stay in maintenance mode. As I wrote about here, there’s nothing wrong with that, I am proud of where I am at, but I have goals and I’m ready to do what it takes to get there.

Peace, love & plants,

Michelle 😊

p.s. I tried on a size 12 recently and the pants were loose. I’m essentially in-between a size 12 and a size 10. I have no recollection that last time I was a size 12, but I hardly believe it. I went to multiple stores to try on multiple brands to confirm I am a 12 and they are all slightly loose. I feel AMAZING and proud of myself for where I’m at, but I am mentally ready to lose the final 25 lbs. Twenty five in 2025! Let’s go!