Who among us never really ‘sees’ the beauty surrounding us. Lost in thoughts, chatting with a friend or on our phone, we are so busy. This building is across the street from my work; I’ve been here 8 years and I’ve never really looked at this art. Today, alone and without a phone, I walked across the street to grab a decaf soy latte (my unfortunate habit I cannot shake) and while waiting for the light to change, something struck me about this artwork….

It was representative of my current state of mind. I honed in on the black hole, it even looks sunken in and endless in the picture. It is also SO SMALL and yet when you are IN the black hole, it feels like that’s all there is.

Then I started to notice the notches of color and beauty, smaller at first and increasing in size the further the lines were away from the black hole. A metaphor staring me in the face. A visual image of hope of both light and dark existing right in the same place. I tend to think ‘when I lose the weight’ or ‘when’ a certain something happens, THEN I can access the happiness or the ‘thing.’ Yet here it is, RIGHT HERE next to the black hole, an open invitation for me to crawl out and enjoy what I already have, what already exists.

Sometimes I dip into a black hole and can easily climb back out without much of a blip, but for the first time in years, I have dove headfirst into a black hole and I have been here for just over 7 months. I am surrounded by incredible humans I know are trying to help me get out and yet, their messages go unheard. Logically I understand what they are saying, but my brain has been unable to wholeheartedly agree to take action. I nod and listen and agree and then go right back to crawling deeper and deeper into the black hole, their sage advice, become more faint and distant and inaccessible. The only person who can change is ME. I must do the work and as much as others around me would love to help, they can’t do the work for me. Something in ME must decide to change.

I have no idea what the artist intended for this piece of art, but for me it is clear. There is a small, albeit deep, black hole here that is surrounded by BEAUTY. The beauty is ALREADY HERE and it is literally within my reach WHEN I climb out of this black hole. This art screams possibility and hope.

The world is so full of hate right now, we need more love illuminating this world. Of course we must do our part to stand up for what we believe is right, but do I need to endlessly scroll on social media and stuff myself with food? The beauty exists NOW, in tandem with the ugly. The beauty is here if I choose to see it.

I must find a way to crawl out of the black hole as I am not going to be a very good animal advocate if I eat myself to death. What I have learnt about the animals is soul crushing (which is an understatement). I must crawl out of this black hole to advocate for them. My health and longevity is tied to my ability to help the animals so I view my state of mind and physical health as a critical piece to my advocacy work.

Somewhere along the lines, I forgot about gratitude and the simple things in life. I had a profound experience recently where seeing a Red Breasted Nuthatch at a friends house sent me crying tears of joy. I haven’t seen the nuthatches at my house all winter and they have been regulars in my yard for a few years now. I worry about them, which birders will understand. Yet, all I can do is make my yard as bird friendly as I can and the rest is out of my control.

We walked our dog in the country on the weekend and driving home my husband noticed a red fox running across the field. Paul slowed down and I rolled down my window and said hello gorgeous how are you, the fox stopped, turned around and looked at me while I talked to him for a few moments. How very special. I allowed my entire body to fill with the warmth of the moment.

Yesterday while out in the yard a squirrel was sitting on the fence while I was walking next door to my brother’s house. I talked to him as well and he just sat there looking at me, unafraid even as I got closer. I looked up and saw a Downy Woodpecker peacefully chillin’ in the tree above me. Pure sweetness.

Before I went vegan, I didn’t even NOTICE the wildlife in my yard. Now I look forward to watching the bees in the summer in my pollinator garden and watching the birds and squirrels and the one neighborhood rabbit we call buns of steel for his ability to hold still no matter what is going on around him. Precious.

Beauty is indeed all around us as is the heartbreak and suffering and hatred and all of the cruel things we do to eachother and animals and our planet are also there. At the end of the day, I can become a large lump in the cave who doesn’t ‘see’ or do anything or I can climb out and observe the beauty that already exists and be a part of the ‘wins’ for all animals.

How lucky am I to have found other humans who dedicate their lives to standing up for animals, especially factory farmed animals who aren’t even considered victims by the masses who eat their flesh and secretions. I am grateful to all of you hopeful humans who never give up. To the humans who are curious and open minded, I am thankful to you as well as you are our next in line to join us.

Can’t stop, won’t stop. I think it’s time for me to start climbing.

Peace, love & plants,

Michelle 🙂

p.s. Please sign up to join the Animal Justice Action Team. You can take virtual action from the comfort of your own home and join us for in person actions across Canada. https://animaljustice.ca/blog/the-animal-justice-action-team-a-powerful-movement-driving-change-for-animals